The Midlife Crisis Myth

A few months ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine about all the exciting new developments in my life when he interrupted me and asked, “are you having a midlife crisis?” His question stopped me in my tracks. 

Let’s back up. At the time, I was six weeks away from my 40th birthday, and over the preceding months I had been making some major life decisions. 

For one, last spring I decided to focus the core of my career on film and television rather than music. I’m not “giving up” music, just no longer treating it as what will provide for my life. 

I also decided to buy a house with my girlfriend in Las Vegas, which included selling my loft in Atlanta. I could add a few other big nuggets to the mix, but I think you get the idea. 

My issue isn’t with my friend, it’s with the word “crisis.” That word implies not only are things going wrong, but your world is in chaos. A crisis has imminent danger and requires immediate action. But that’s not what this is. 

Granted, any time you approach a milestone birthday you tend to get reflective. But that’s a good thing. So good in fact it should happen on a far more frequent basis than once a decade. 

As a 40-year-old, I have the luxury of knowing what I want. I know what I want my career to look like, so I made the big decisions necessary to make that a reality. I know what kind of partner I want to share my life with, so I didn’t resist committing to my girlfriend. 

Previously, I had been trying on a lot of things to see how they felt, laboring over my decisions and learning a little more about myself with each choice. 

Not so much anymore. 

I’m still learning new things about myself, but they’re not the major realizations that can result in a 90-degree shift. Things are clearer now.

Having such clarity in what I want my life to be is new, but it’s arguably the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt. 

This isn’t a midlife crisis. It’s a midlife discovery.

The connotations around the phrase “midlife crisis” are so negative, I worry about what it might be doing to our society. It suggests that it’s wrong to question your path. Like you’re supposed to figure everything out in your 30s then never change again. Yet change is the seed of growth, and organic life is binary--you’re either growing or dying. I choose to grow. Even if (scratch that, I mean “especially when”) it requires a major life decision.

So for anyone out there considering a major life decision, I invite you to look at it seriously. What growth could it lead to in your life? You never know what you might discover about yourself.