Life Is Like Riding a Horse
I went horseback riding for the first time this past year. At least I think it was my first time. I have one other memory of riding a horse, but it’s from so long ago there’s an 80% chance it was just a vivid dream. So, for simplicity sake, we’ll call this my maiden voyage.
I was in Portugal at this amazing resort for my dear friend’s wedding, glancing through the list of activities offered when I noticed horseback riding. My girlfriend is a champion hunter-jumper and grew up around horses, so I was eager to share in her passion and figured this was my time to begin the learning curve.
Thankfully my teacher/guide did not speak good English. Thankfully? Yes, thankfully. Something beautiful happens when you don’t speak a language well—you’re forced to explain things in the simplest way possible. When you have mastery over words, it can be far too enticing to over complicate and convolute matters since it becomes equally important you sound intelligent and accomplished. If you’re not already re-analyzing my writing style you should be. Now back to the horses.
Pedro, my guide, brings out this sweet horse named Doctor for me to learn on in the ring before we go for a long ride through the countryside. Doctor is 18, which I believe equates to 465 years old in horse years, so he’s very wise—and tired. Perfect for learning. Gathering most of my horse knowledge from my grandfather’s obsession with Gun Smoke, I was expecting a giant Western saddle. A veritable throne atop this horse that would secure me for the ride like a Formula 1 driver. I got a blanket. “You ride no saddle, feel horse and movement,” said Pedro. So, I step into his weathered hands and mount this majestic beast.
Step #1: Posture. “Sit up, shoulders back, kidney out.” That was Pedro’s first rule as he begins leading Doctor around in a circle with me on top. Granted, I’m not exactly sure where my kidneys are located, but I got the gist. I knew better than to ask him when the right time was to hunch. “You keep posture all time.” Okay life, what are you trying to say? What does it mean to maintain proper posture in life?
Like many Americans, I used to physically hunch a lot. I blame laptop computers and yogurt. Recently I’ve noticed those back contraptions that somewhat resemble straight jackets becoming all the rage on Amazon. They force your shoulders back and chest out. Lately I’ve been more aware of this in my life, consciously fixating on my posture more than usual. Two things happened. First, I felt more confident. And second, people kept saying “I didn’t realize how tall you are.” Both good reasons to keep this trend going. But posture means so much more in life than just the physical.
By definition, “posture” means the position in which someone holds their body when standing or sitting. The world of medicine tells us that proper physical posture relieves stress and prevents injury. Posture in life means gratitude, mindfulness, vitality and faith. Heart, mind, body and soul. By focusing on these we position ourselves to avoid the stress and pain that circumstances will inevitably bring. It’s not an occasional focus. In the words of Pedro, “you keep posture all time.” Personally, I do this in the morning. My practice includes Tibetan breathing exercises, gratitude, visualization, and prayer. I call it my Complete Morning. Choose what works for you, but make sure you include your heart, mind, body and soul. When I skip a day, I feel out of alignment—and you can’t ride life that way.
Step #2: Relax. “Relax legs.” This was Pedro’s command as we began trotting and my legs instinctively gripped Doctor’s belly for support. I’m riding bareback on an animal whose power is the measurement of car engines and I’m supposed to relax? Easier said than done. While gripping and trotting I was given a very bumpy ride. But the more I relaxed my legs, the more my body began to move in sync with Doctor.
I’ve had many bumpy rides in life: failed projects, broken relationships, physical illness, etc. The experience was always bumpier when I tensed up and tried to hold onto something for support. You must act counter to your instinct and relax. However, relaxing only works when your posture is aligned. If I were to have relaxed while hunched over on Doctor, I guarantee you bad things would have happened. You can only relax when you’re in the right position.
When I have Complete Mornings, I find myself laughing, not yelling, when someone cuts me off on the freeway. Whatever circumstances come my way that day, posture allows me to relax and let it wash over me rather than throw me off the horse.
Step #3: Unity. “You and horse are one, not separate.” Once my body was in the right position and I had relaxed everything, I no longer felt I was riding Doctor. We were just one unit moving around in circles. There was an energetic connection between us that disposed of physical boundaries. My body moved in sync with his as we progressed to gallop. Pedro didn’t even need to tell me to put my shoulders back as we ran, I did it automatically because I was connected to my partner in this journey.
When we maintain our posture and relax, we move in sync with life. No longer resisting the bumps, accelerations or decelerations. Embracing each as it comes, no longer separate. It’s easy to feel lonely in life. Disconnected. Believing no one understands us. Only when we are aligned and relaxed can we truly connect with life and everyone else in it. Moving in sync as a society.
Step #4: Let go. So here we are, Doctor and I running around in circles together moving as one when Pedro says, “take one hand off ring and put behind back.” Come again? Though my posture was aligned, my legs were relaxed, and we were moving as one, I was still holding onto this ring attached to the blanket as a fail-safe. I mean, I could fall off at any moment, so best to hold on just in case. “Take hand off!” I remove my hand and put it behind my back, still holding on with the other. “Now switch hands.” I switch. “Now both hands behind back.” Doctor and I are trotting around in circles bouncing together like we’re on a trampoline and I’m supposed to completely let go?! So, I do. We gallop around in circles connected by little more than energy and my ass—yet it was seamless.
The best adventures in life don’t come our way like the next vine. If we’re Tarzan swinging through life from vine to vine, relationship to relationship, career to career, we can only get so far grabbing the next closest, safest vine. The greatest experiences in life require us to let go of the vine we’re holding onto and stretch as far as we can for the one that can take us higher and further. For a moment, we’re suspended in air. Held by nothing but the momentum created by our leap. That’s how life works.
The universe rewards trust. Every major decision I’ve made in life from quitting law and starting a tech company to risking humiliation in meeting incredible people, there has been a moment of letting go. When crossing a chasm in life you can only build a bridge so far. The gap that remains requires letting go and making the leap. You must let go before you can take control.
Step #5: Take the reins. Our lesson was complete. I had successfully maintained my posture, relaxed, become one with Doctor and physically let go as we galloped around. I was ready for our ride. Pedro tells me to rest for fifteen minutes while he takes Doctor back to the stables and saddles up Latinas, a younger horse who will have more energy for our 8-kilometer ride.
This time I’m given an English saddle (think a slightly enlarged beach-cruiser bike seat with a small leather strap in front masquerading as a handle) and reins. Pedro delivers a 30-second crash course in accelerating, braking and steering. “Pull back to stop. Open left arm go left. Open right arm go right. Squeeze legs go faster. Let’s go.” I spent thirty minutes going in circles with no control, focused only on posture, relaxation, unity and letting go—now we’re off and running, literally, with hardly any training on speed and control. But again, that’s life.
The hardest part is maintaining your posture, staying relaxed, connecting with life, and letting go. Then once you’re off and running, steering is the easy part. At some points in life you’ll need to move fast. Others you’ll need to slow down. You’ll fail going one direction and shift course. You’ll fail again and shift a little more. Life itself will start going a different direction because it saw a delicious purple flower covered in thorns that it just had to eat and you’re wondering how the hell this thing can eat thorns… and then you’ll need to gently guide it back on course. But if you maintain your posture, stay relaxed, connect with life and keep letting go, you’ll experience the most invigorating ride imaginable.
So that’s what Latinas and I did. Together. Exploring the enormous Portuguese farm on the border of Spain taking in the picturesque beauty that has inspired centuries of artists and writers.
Well… what are you waiting for? Go take a ride.
